Wednesday, November 27, 2019

The Hummingbird Song-Penzu Journal-Fri. 4/17/2015 at 1:30pm

The Hummingbird Song

I'm Sitting Outside
I'm Reading A Book Of Poetry
Poems By Amber Tamblyn-Dark Sparkler

I Hear Such A Quaint Chirping
I Look Up & What Do I See
But A Beautiful Hummingbird So Close
Close Enough to Touch
She is Looking For a Flower to Drink
Buzzing Around My Trees
Her Singing Is Lovely

I Wonder & Think
Who Could That Be
The Heart Of A Family Member
Easing My Heat & Mind

Things Will Be Ok
Look To The Beauty Of Nature
Love Is There Love Is Kind
Take Stress Of Your Heart
Let Me Take Over 
Set All Negativity Free

In This Little Bird 
God Says "Give This Grief All To Me"
No More Burden No More Stress No More Strife
Find More Happiness More Joy In Your Life

Try To Let Go  
You Can Never Change Anyone
Only Change Yourself 
Retrain Your Thoughts
For Better Heeling For a Better You

To Let Go Past Hurts Past Mistakes 
This Is What You Must Do
Like The Hummingbird Free
Buzzing And Singing From Tree To Tree
Enjoying Life's Beauty

Follow Up To Thankful A Brighter Outlook 11-25-2019

Follow Up To Thankful

           When I Wrote "Thankful From A Very Dark Place", I was in a very bad spot as you can read, I was devastated that my life of lies from my husband and his other life came crashing down around me like a ton of bricks as if it was an earthquake that was a magnitude of 7.infinity as the holidays approached it gave me that very dark perspective since that time here it is 2019 and four years later.

My perspective has chanced in my heart although then I remember celebrating and what I did for my family at that time my words were from a dark place today that place is lighter and brighter my gratitude has come from a better place and a thankful heart.

Those were his actions, and I am truly thankful for my sons and what I have done for them. My heart is lighter and not as heavy due to realizing another can not make our happiness and joy his mistakes are not mine and in my heart I know who I am and no one or nothing can never take away my thankful heart.

In this life we are only responsible for ourselves no one else we can not control another a very hard lesson to learn I do admit but it is now with a lighter and thankful heart I can say these words. Dark places produce dark words dark circumstances produce dark feelings it takes time to process that darkness it's been for years since I saw those dark words and I have to say that dark place is damaging. 

Today I write from a lighter space with a lighter heart
a thankful soul a thankful place. 
Hold on tight to those who love for real
Every day is a new day and a brighter place to be

I am thankful for my sons who love me who are my support and love me unconditionally.

I am thankful to God forgiving me the strength to keep fighting.

I am thankful for my support of my family the ones who stood by and never left, and they know who they are.

I am thankful for a strong mother who has been through a lifetime of tests trials good and bad knowing real love my dad. A mother who stands for what is right and gives me my strength she is my hero.

I am thankful for a wonderful father who had a huge heart and taught me so much what it is to be a real man strength
plus a good pure heart that is what I teach my own sons to be real men like my father.

I am thankful for great friends who I consider my family they are  there no matter what any time day or night 

My heart is huge and grateful for my trials and tests thus far to shape me and teach me giving me hope and faith to persevere to keep going when I thought I could not.
Today I am thankful for the sun rising every day 
each day I awake I give thanks to God above even though I have rough days I know he will get me through with the faith in my heart and Gods guiding hand.

Each day I give thanks for the people who I love the ones close to my heart they are with my every day. Always seeing me through, they are in my heart and when I get weary I remember their supportive words the hope they always have given me in their individual way. 

I Love You All!
Yes I AM Thankful Every Day

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Thankful-From A Very Dark Place Penzu Journal-Fri. 10/30/2015 at 3:13pm

Thankful-From A Very Dark Place

Thanksgiving is approaching so what am I thankful for?

Am I thankful that my husband has had another woman for 20 years? Am I thankful that he  told me?  When I pulled it out of him? Am I thankful he had her as well as me? Thanksgiving it is supposed to be what you are thankful for in your life? But in my life recently is this ??

Should I be thankful that she took away everything !! 
My husband sort of? My happiness my bliss??  
Thanksgiving this year 2015 shown me what I already knew
deception lies lust on his part, me a wife a partner which was not she was in a sense his wife & partner in crime!!  Yes she was and that hurts me to the core!

Ok so the "Holidays??" 
October we met on the 24th it is a special time, so I thought.
Well a lot happens in Oct? 

We met and it was special  then, years later my father gone, years later knowing love was not what it was supposed to be?? Found out she was there all along 20 years  from 94-95 and I had your son in my womb!

Oh, what a tangle web we weave from first to practice deceiving!  From the beginning deception as I see, I hosted  holidays, Halloweens, Thanksgivings, Christmas Parties, Family  Events, But You Still Return To Her??

In a Few Days I Turn 50 I see what Is before me ?? The Holidays Thankful! ok I am thankful for my husband being with another woman cheating making me feel alone,
how nice! I'm thankful for my sons who love me even though the circumstances at hand they are a support for me.

My Christmas wish I will never get, Honesty, Loyalty, Truthfulness!  Her Gone!! The New Year?? New Beginning's Wonder If They Will Happen?? Can You Start  A New?? Or Will  YOU?

This Year This Time  NO Closure, No Renewal, Though You Talk a Good Game You Have Yet To Prove!! 

So What Do I do??  Stay & Wait Or Move & Continue!! Loosing Battle Could Be?

I Celebrate No Holidays I Celebrate Only Me The Holidays I No Longer See!!!

Friday, November 22, 2019

Another's Heart-Penzu Journal-Wed. 9/6/2017 at 10:07am

Another's Heart

I Do Not Know Another Heart
I Only Know My Own
You May Not Know Yours
That Is Why You Chose To Roam

Still Searching Always Looking

Never Knowing What You Had
Choosing To Ignore What Is In Front Of You
Taking Others Side
Leaving Me Behind
Looking For The Next Big Thing

Never Knowing Your Heart All Along
Living With Someone I Never Knew
Once I Thought How Our Love Grew
It Was Not Us  
You Chose To Grow With Another

One Still Possesses Your Soul
You Say No I Say Yes
Songs, Places, Familiarity You Know

It Never Leaves You
Putting On An Act
I See Through It
The Mirror You Do Not Want To Face

That Is  Why You Use  Mean Tactics
You Try To Put Me In My Place
Its Just A Ploy
To Make You Forget To Make You Not See

The Mirror Never Lies
It Will Always Show You Who You Are
Not Who You Pretend To Be

The House Deceit Built-Penzu Journal-Fri. 9/23/2016 at 2:45pm

This Is The House Deceit Built
I Thought It Was Our Dream
All It Was So Many Lies It Seems
Built From Love So I Thought
Realizing Now I Know It Was Built On Deceit
This Is Why We Always Fought

Memories Of Ours So I Thought 
Not Knowing Your Memories With Another 
Memories With Her At The Same Time

Dreams I Thought Were Mine
Wife Mother Partner A Lifetime
Only A Servant To You, I Became
She Was Your Everything So It Seemed

When Did It All Decay
Looking Back I Only See 5 Years Of Loyalty
Closing My Eyes I Didn't See The Signs

Now Is Their Recovery Or Just Separate Ways
Given 110 % Investment That I Put In
So Very Little In Return
Grateful For One Thing
Sons I Raised To Men
Their Hearts Are Like Mine

A House To Be Proud Of
Is It All A Sham
The House Deceit Built
I Thought We Were Enough

Apparently You Needed More
Everything I Gave Was Neglected

Every Day A Piece Of My Heart Has Died
The Cold Look Out Of Your Eyes
I Do Not Know You
Where Is Your Heart
Is It Black As Coal

Apparently You Never Had Guilt 
You Never Felt Any Shame

Today No Regrets
You Really Feel No Mistakes Were Made
Where To Go from Here
With My Sons Being Men Now
They Need A Strong Mom
Nothing Will Ever Be The Same

Brighter Future Ahead 
This I Will Proclaim

Wednesday, November 6, 2019


What Are Valuables?

Is Valuables What You Own
Or Is It What You Say
What Are Valuables?

How Would Someone Take Care Of Your Valuables
Would They Keep Them Safe
Or Would They Throw Them Away

What Is Value?
Is It Possessions
Or Is It Love
What Is It?

If Someone Loves?
Do They Take Care Of Those Possessions?
Do They Give Them Away?
Do They Love You In Every Possible Way?

Do They Protect Their Treasures
Do They Protect Their Love
Whats Important To Them
Maybe Possessions Or Love

Value To Me Is Love
Love Unconditionally
Respect 100 %
Loving Each Other~REAL
What We Hold Close
Possessions That Are Mementos
Of Family Of Special Things

Value Is Knowing Your Worth
Your Worth Is To One Who Loves You
True Value Is Respect For Ones Self & Space
Respect Of Ones Heart & Place

Value Is Huge In All Respects
Value Is Huge One Hundred Percent

Value & Valuables Is A Variation
Know Your Value Know Your Importance
Know Who Will Have Your Back
Know Who Will Have Your Interest At Heart

Will Your Prize Possessions Be Just Left To The Waste Side
How Sad To Know
They Could Of Been Given To Carry On The Flow

You Thought
Your Family Had Your Best Interest At Heart
But Did They?
Will They Go The Extra Mile
Or Just Dump Your Stuff In The Garbage
Will They Dump You In The Garbage?

The Questions We Must Ask?
We See What Happens
When Ones Who Do Not Care
Preserving  Ones Mementos & Past
They Would Just Rather Get It Over
Forget It At Last

A Bouquet Of Flowers A Bouquet Of Memories
Lasting Always From Ones Who Truly Love

Blessed Today~11-06-19 54th Birthday

Today My Birthday My Sons Made Me Feel Like A Queen 

The Card & Words They Wrote Made My Heart Grow With Love 
Words I Cherish  From Both Sons  
& A Friend 
This I will Treasure Forever. 
A Gift With A Little Hint & Love.

Today As I Reach 54 I Look To The Future Of Many More I Look To New Ideas Creativity & New Beginnings I Look Toward New Challenges and New Battles I Welcome Them To Make Me Stronger Than Ever Before. Yes I Look Forward To 54!!

Moms Generosity With Her Little Gifts This Morning Coffee-Cookies & Her Special Ways 

Lovely Flowers I Received On My Birthday 
Filled My Heart With Love 

Harvest Colors Reminiscent Of Thanks What We Are Thankful For & Blessed I Am Blessed This Day For My Sons Kevin & Ethan  Who Have Sweet Hearts Who Love Very Tenderly. My Mother Who Has A Heart As Huge As The World, My Husband Who Spikes A Bit Here & There All In All Through The Trial & Issues I have Faced I Realized This Day I Am Blessed In Several Ways I Thank God For All My Blessings Every Day!

On This Day November 6th 2019 At 54 I Embrace Everything & Everyone Wonderful~ Cherished~Good~Bad~Impossible I Will Conquer The Bad With The Good. 
I Am Blessed & Thankful For Everything I Have, And That I Have Conquered!

A Beautiful Birthday My Heart Is Filled With Joy & Love
Its My Birthday Its My Party & I Will Celebrate "ME"!!!
I Look Forward To MuchMore After 54!!
Thank You To Everyone I Love You All!!